Is money a problem, either for you or in your relationship? This is a common roadblock I see with couples, and one of the main issues premarital couples need to discuss. With money, getting on the same page about how you spend your money could be the end goal… but the first step is really how you TALK about money. The most powerful way to do this is by sharing your Money Story. And we each have one!!
Your Money Story is basically the role money has played for you and your family since you were a kid and, most importantly, the meaning you made of that. Your money Story has a huge impact on how SAFE you feel in your relationship.
Think back as far as you can. What was your living situation like when you were a kid? What did your parents used to say about money? Where were the big transitions when it came to money? When did you first start to work and what did you tell yourself about why you were working? Was it for extra pocket money, to save up for something big, or to help your family buy groceries?
The most important part of this is thinking about your safety around money. Did money feel like a friend or an enemy? Is it something you want to have lots of in your savings account, or does it feel dangerous to keep around?
Also think about - what do you like to spend money on? Maybe you are thrifty all year but then go all out on vacations. And maybe your partner prefers to spend money on fancy meals or clothes and so you have tension because you don’t understand the way the other spends money.
Start thinking about your money story, and if your partner is willing, you can ask them to think about theirs too.
This is an amazing and necessary convo to have, either just to understand yourself or to help you create new insights into your relationship.
If you have trouble talking about your money story without it bringing up old hurts and resentments, reach out for help. Couples counsellors can help you have this conversation and also help you heal old wounds so you can get back to enjoying your life together.