STOP REPEATING the Same Harmful Patterns
Updated: Jun 15, 2020
Have you ever spent time with your family of origin and left feeling like you’re twelve years old again? Would you like to NEVER feel that way again? To feel EMPOWERED, to feel CONFIDENT, to KNOW who you are and live your truth every moment of every day, regardless of who is around?
If you answered yes, you may be excited to learn about how to re-write your story. You see, when we’re kids, we try to make sense of the world by coming up with theories which then turn into beliefs, and usually these arise from unmet needs. If we have an unmet need for attention because our older or younger sibling is taking up most of it, we could one day realize that when we’re sick we get attention - and that could lead to a lifetime of sickness, because we realize that sickness gets our need met.
The thing is, as adults, we tend to live our lives not really taking these stories into account. We just notice that the same things keep happening. "I get 5 months into a relationship and then it fails. It happens over and over." Or "I get started on my career and then something happens that derails it. It happens over and over. Like clockwork." We keep repeating these patterns, not understanding WHY, not recognizing how deeply our childhood stories impact how far we think we can go.
If you’re tired of repeating the same old patterns, it’s time to take a look at your BELIEF system and where it came from. This is NOT EASY WORK, I must warn you - but it’s DEEPLY rewarding because it can immediately and drastically change the course of your life. You can go from being perpetually stuck to recognizing these beliefs and deliberately creating NEW beliefs that help you FAR EXCEED what you’ve ever done before. You can start to SHINE BRIGHTLY in areas of your life that you’ve never before been able to even approach.
Think about an area of stuckness for you. Now spend some time reflecting on your childhood. What stories did you believe about yourself? How did you explain the way you were treated, the labels you were given? You will have MANY stories, but you’ll know when you come across the one that’s impacting your stuck area of life.
When you come across that story, write it down. Feel it. It’s okay to feel deeply saddened by it, deeply saddened that your life has been dictated by this OLD and UNTRUE story. It’s okay to grieve. Feel the feelings. And then forgive yourself. You were just a kid trying to make sense of the world. You didn’t know you were allowed to think whatever you wanted to think. You didn’t know you had a choice.
NOW, you have a choice. NOW you can decide WHO you are and WHAT STORY you will carry forward.
After you’ve grieved, cried, been mad, write a new story. What is your new belief, going forward? Write it out and stick it on your wall, or put it somewhere you’ll see it often. This is your new story. OWN it. FEEL it.
Then comes forgiveness. I wrote a post on how to forgive, check it out here when you’re ready. Forgive the people who caused this story to emerge. Forgive yourself for your part in it. Forgive yourself for believing it. Forgive the people who may still be perpetuating this story. Many people’s childhood stories are still being acted out by their entire family, and it takes a conscious desire to live your best life - that’s why you forgive. Not for them, but for you. For your partner, for your kids. For your future. I know I can’t hold on to resentment and shine brightly - resentment dulls. You gotta let it go in order to shine. Shine for yourself, shine for your family, shine for the impact you’re going to make on the world. Forgive, let go, live your new story, and shine brightly.